Okay, listen up. It's time to bust some popular myths. Contrary to popular belief in Siberia, I don't eat leeks. So if your leek crops are missing, don't blame me. Now, if your pizza crops or your deep fried crops go missing, you might want to send me the bill. In fact, if you really wanna catch a Bigfoot, leave a Barcalounger, DK Jr, and a deep fat frier out there in the wilderness. I'll find it.
Another popular myth is that Bigfoots live in colonies. We don't. In fact, there is no "we". I mean, seriously, if there were colonies of Bigfoots roaming the woods do you think I'd be flirting with tumbleweeds? I'm it, baby. Just me, 100% ape man. Love it or leave it.
And last but not least, Sarah Palin did not shoot me from a helicopter. It was Tina Fey in a Prius and she threw a twinkie at me. (BTW, thanks Tina!)
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