I haven't watched a daytime show since I left my treehouse for the Conference of Mythical Creatures,and I miss my Oprah. Oprah, man, she's alright. In fact, sometimes when I watch her I make mental notes about how to run a talk show myself. I think I'd be pretty good, especially with stocking the green room. Do you even comprehend how cool my green room would be? It'd be amazing. I'd have last year's best pizza slices available, along with my signature banana water. And foosball.
I'd also be a pretty good talk show guest. I think I'd be Oprah's best interview. She'd be smart to have me on. The teaser could be all like, "Bigfoot LIVE on Today's Oprah!" and then have a clip of me dabbing away a tear. And then once I poured out my emotions and Oprah gave me a hug, they'd be a segment on Sassy Sasquatch fashions and I'd get a makeover and talk about my hoarding habit. And then the surprise reveal, it'd actually be Oprah's favorite things show, except this year she let me choose all the favorite things, like Donkey Kong Jr. for everyone! I'd also give away life size imperial storm troopers and encylopedia sets, because everyone needs to read a little fiction.
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