I've got my blogging sweatpants on and I'm ready to blog, baby, blog! Normally I'm kinda like any other animal in the woods and I don't wear clothes...but for some reason nothing says kickin' back like a pair of sweatpants and a bowl of blogging bananas. Fried bananas. Covered in chocolate.
There's been a lot of talk lately about humans "discovering" mythical creatures in the water. Ever since they found those crazy tube worms at the bottom of the ocean, humans seemed to have kicked it up a notch. And with the discovery of the fish who I like to call "crazy-see-through-green-eyeballs-head-fish", people are really starting to turn their own eyeballs to the ocean and what lurks beneath.
Personally, I'm not really that fond of anything that has to do with water, since water's is directly related to bathing. I give Nessy a pass, since she's a good lass. But she's freshwater. Not like those nut-job salty creatures who like to hang in their own click, and hey, that's alright with me. I personally have no desire to ever hang out with Kraken. I've heard stories about him, and he sounds like an absolute loop. Did you ever see 20,000 Leagues under the Sea? He's more like 20,000 Leagues meets a cuckoo's nest. And the problem is he's GIGANTIC. If he was itty bitty, who would care, right? But you don't want to mess with a crazy, gigantic squid. Thankfully he's never showed up to a conference...not enough water out at Jackalope Estates.
By the way, when I say "nut job salty creatures", I'm obviously not talking about mermaids. Or sirens. Who can feel free to give me a call (or sing me a song) anytime.
Wednesday, March 25, 2009
Wednesday, March 18, 2009
3 Toes? Really?
Okay, what idiot human out there thinks that a legitimate Bigfoot track has only 3 toes? What am I, a sloth or something? I mean, I'll be the first to admit that I'm not the most athletic guy in the woods, but c'mon. Just because I have a little more hair than the average Joe doesn't mean I have a little less toe.
Did you know the way to a Bigfoot's heart is through his toes? Although, to be fair, also his stomach. And his cerebral cortex. I mean, you plunk Donkey Kong Jr in front of me, and you had me at Mario.
Did you know the way to a Bigfoot's heart is through his toes? Although, to be fair, also his stomach. And his cerebral cortex. I mean, you plunk Donkey Kong Jr in front of me, and you had me at Mario.
Thursday, March 12, 2009
E.T. Ain't Me
We all google ourselves, right? I'm not alone here in this. I know that. Anyway, I was just messin' around googling myself and I read some article about how Bigfoot is really an extraterrestrial. Seriously? Have you seen extraterrestrials? Evidently not, because then you'd know what you're talking about. No, you'd rather lay around in your blogging sweatpants and spread rumours than do the research.
By the way, we all have blogging sweatpants, right? Mine are gray. With an extra large waistband because I also have a bowl of blogging bon-bons.
Anyway, I was at Area 52 a few years back, and I took some great photos of aliens. The interesting thing is, and I'm sure you'll all find this pretty shocking...is that aliens look a lot like snowmen. That's right. Think about that the next time your kids are out there playing in the snow and some cosmic force leads them into building a snowman. Yeah, they're all "Frosty this!" and "Holly Jolly" that, but they're really not. Each snowflake is a nanorobot sent from the mothership to record human activity for the eventual overthrow of mankind. And you think that snow actually melts? Nope. It just returns to the mothership, or goes down to Area 52 for a mix and mingle.
Just remember, despite what the blogosphere says, Bigfoot is not an E.T. The only portal I've ever used has a roll of toilet paper next to it.
By the way, we all have blogging sweatpants, right? Mine are gray. With an extra large waistband because I also have a bowl of blogging bon-bons.
Anyway, I was at Area 52 a few years back, and I took some great photos of aliens. The interesting thing is, and I'm sure you'll all find this pretty shocking...is that aliens look a lot like snowmen. That's right. Think about that the next time your kids are out there playing in the snow and some cosmic force leads them into building a snowman. Yeah, they're all "Frosty this!" and "Holly Jolly" that, but they're really not. Each snowflake is a nanorobot sent from the mothership to record human activity for the eventual overthrow of mankind. And you think that snow actually melts? Nope. It just returns to the mothership, or goes down to Area 52 for a mix and mingle.
Just remember, despite what the blogosphere says, Bigfoot is not an E.T. The only portal I've ever used has a roll of toilet paper next to it.
Friday, March 6, 2009
Bigfoot Excitement
I love my little treehouse home in the Great PNW, but there's nuthin' I love more than getting ready for the Conference of Mythical Creatures. Every hundred years, man! Do you know how much excitement builds up over a hundred years? A lot. So when I got that email from Jackalope, my bones jumped out of my armchair so fast I thought my fur would be left behind!
You know the first thing I think of when I think of the conference? Mermaids. In fact, they're probably the first 3 or 4 thoughts that I have. But after that, I think of all the cool creatures that I can mingle and schmooze with. And I'm hoping to try out the new karoke machine this year too, cuz babies I can sing like I'm some big hairy songbird. You know it!
You know the first thing I think of when I think of the conference? Mermaids. In fact, they're probably the first 3 or 4 thoughts that I have. But after that, I think of all the cool creatures that I can mingle and schmooze with. And I'm hoping to try out the new karoke machine this year too, cuz babies I can sing like I'm some big hairy songbird. You know it!
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