Eating Microscopic Amoebas and Eau de Bigfoot

So I hear there's these giant single cell protozoas that roll around on the ocean floor and look like grapes. Do you know how cool this is? Do you know how long I've been trying to cook up microscopic foods? Seriously, sometimes I'll just fill a fry pan full of oil, throw in a few amoebas, and fry away. What usually happens is that the amoebas try to escape so I need to add cheese, chocolate, and peanut butter to try to slow them down. But now it looks like I can fry up some healthy grape-sized food! They won't be able to escape because I can actually see them! But I guess I'd need an unwater submersible to go underwater grape-pickin'....so until then I'll have to keep trapping amoebas in deep fried chocolate.

I hear a lot of talk lately about tofu, which is also delicious when tucked inside a banana, dipped in chocolate, then deep fried. But I'm thinking what would be really good tofu...and what would sell for top dollar at the mythical creature conference...is Big-flavored tofu. I could tuck in under my arm for a day, and then woo-la, instant flavor!

Which brings me to another subject...my delightful aroma. I work hard to acheive just the right smell. I never bathe, and I'm always conscious of the different food groups that I stick into my fur and how they complement each other. I know that for a couple months when I carried around that gorgonzola cheese and cabbage...that got pretty ripe after a while. But after I aired out for a few hours, it really seemed to create my signature bouquet, you know? Sometimes your mistakes are your biggest strengths... because I think the eau de cabbage de gorgonzola, it really formed the Eau de Bigfoot of today. If you want to break down my smell, in the proper perfume lingo, I'd say the funk of gorgonzola and cabbage is my base note. And my middle notes seem more to be the essence of matted fur and dirt, and then the top notes are ususally something like pizza. It's really pretty good stuff.